One day long ago I scrawled “Belsen Was a Gas” on a t-shirt and wore it to school. My social studies teacher flipped right the fuck out. “Why are you celebrating the murder of six million Jews?” He demanded. “I’m not celebrating it,” I stammered. “I…I…I’m protesting it!” Even I knew this was weak. I wasn’t really protesting it. What would that even mean? But I certainly … [Read more...]
You Would Never Have Thought That Fighting on the Internet Could Be So Beneficial!
I had a fight with a friend a while back. It was a Twitter-and-Facebook fight, so there’s a pretty good chance it never would’ve happened as recently as, say, 2007. And yes, I realize 2007 is now a decade in the past, but it feels like yesterday to me: that’s how it goes. It pains me slightly to write those words: "it was a Twitter-and-Facebook fight…" It pains me that I do … [Read more...]
My Brother, the Complete Fucking Idiot
My brother Jim’s a complete fucking idiot. He was the last time I heard from him, anyway, and for all the years I knew him before that, and that was quite a few years. I don’t know where he is now, and I don’t think he’s a U.S. citizen, but I have no doubt he would’ve voted for Trump, given the chance. Do you see? That’s all I had to say. “He would’ve voted for Trump, given … [Read more...]
How to Deal With Ignorant Bastards
I always thought Washington state was super-liberal, but ten miles out of Seattle it’s all Trump signs and giant American flags. I was just at a meditation retreat down there and at one session the teacher was hitting little bells and mystic chimes when “Biff! Bang! Pow!” all these fuckin’ shotguns went off just across the road. And you knew some big red-faced bastard had just … [Read more...]
How to Feel Better About Everything You Do
If you’re ever playing baseball against my team you should try to hit the ball in my direction because I probably won’t catch it and If I do catch it I probably won’t be able to throw it very far or In the right direction This is because when I was a kid nobody taught me how to throw a ball. Or catch a ball. Or dribble a ball, or stop a ball … [Read more...]